By Barbara Kessler, TJJD Communications
When you’re a teenager seeking that first job and desperate to begin to earn a little money, it can feel like you’re walking with your sneakers tied together. You need to step up, but you’re worried that you’ll just plain plank.
Afterall, you lack experience, you’re not keen on talking to adult strangers, and the interview process is a black box.
That’s how T.E. felt the first time he interviewed for a job. “When I was out in the world, I would have an interview for a job and I wouldn’t know how to answer. I would freeze. I’d be like, ahhhhhhh.”
So when it came time to apply for a job as a student maintenance worker at Ayres Halfway House, the TJJD youth decided he wouldn’t be caught fumbling for words. He worked with a mentor and Ayres’ staffers to prep for the upcoming job interview.
“I came in prepared,” he said, speaking confidently in an online video call in which he recounted the interview.
“When they asked me, ‘Why did I pick outside maintenance?’ I told them: ‘I love nature and being outside and walking by a place and having it look real presentable.’”
T.E., 18, did so well throughout the interview that Human Resources Specialist Stephanie Trujillo-Ramirez joked with another panelist afterward that she’d been looking for his earpiece.
“Oh my gosh, Senior Coach Nicki Graham and I didn’t even recognize the kid, that’s how well he did,” said Trujillo-Ramirez, who helps oversee the new on-site job program at Ayres.
“He was providing eye contact, and he knew what he was talking about. It’s like he had been doing interviews for years!”
ADAPTING TO CHANGE AND LEARNING THE DRILL
In a normal year – meaning not 2020 – several Ayres Halfway House youth would be working at outside jobs at nearby restaurants or nurseries in San Antonio.
But restrictions put in place to make youth and staff safer during the pandemic have limited their ability to leave for those part-time jobs. Ayres Superintendent Frederick Wilson and supervisory staff decided it was time to create some inside work for the youth, and Ayres was granted funds to pay the student workers an hourly wage.
“It helps them to be able to say they obtained employment for this time,” said Trujillo-Ramirez, “and it’s another thing to put on their resume.”
The staff started the program with three jobs: Indoor Maintenance Student Worker, Outdoor Maintenance Student Worker and Student Kitchen Worker.
They modeled the set up on McFadden Ranch, a TJJD halfway house in North Texas, which has been running an on-site jobs program for many years. McFadden had found that its program provided an outlet for youth who were not quite ready for outside jobs or faced other constraints.
Like McFadden, Ayres administrators wanted the youth to get as much out of the program as possible and so they structured it to mimic the outside job experience. They posted the “openings” on the bulletin board, created job application forms and set up a job application panel of three staff to interview the youth for their desired position.
At the first panel review early this fall, the panelists asked T.E. and the other two youth interviewing about applicable skills and past work experience, why they wanted a particular job, and why they’d be good at it. The panel aimed to give the youth an experience similar to the real-world, but in a safer setting.
Creating a safe environment is a critical piece of the Texas Model, the umbrella of activities and protocols for working with youth at TJJD. Safety is foundational with the model because it lessens fear and eases the way for youth who’ve experienced trauma or neglect to express themselves. Youth cannot trust the adults around them until they feel safe.
All three youth did well in their interviews, though T.E., having prepped and gone in with a winning attitude, “blew everyone’s socks off,” said Patty Garza, Community Relations Coordinator for Ayres and the South District Parole Office. Garza, Trujillo-Ramirez and mentor/intern Fernando Vargas were the staff who helped T.E. prepare for his interview.
T.E., who hopes to find work as an electrician’s helper when he leaves Ayres, says he is enjoying feeling successful as Ayres’ Outdoor Maintenance student worker.
“The place looks better,” he said. “I get compliments every day.”
FOOD, FEEDBACK AND SPACE TO IMPROVE
The halls and grounds of McFadden Halfway House are looking spiffy, too, thanks to the ongoing student worker program there in which youth are painting, mowing, cooking, cleaning and tidying up.
Students are always eager to apply for the on-site jobs, and right now, with off-campus work off limits, the McFadden jobs are completely filled with 11 student employees, said Karen Richroath, Education Re-Entry Liaison at McFadden.
Even in pre-pandemic times, youth compete for these jobs where they’re paid $1.50 or $1.75 an hour, money that goes into their trust fund to build savings for when they leave, and for occasional splurges at the canteen.
Requirements to be hired are strict: The teens must be 16 or older, have a positive behavior record, be in good standing in school and therapy programs and have completed 12 hours of community service work. If they’re still in school, they cannot work more than 20 hours a week at McFadden.
Once hired, they're immersed in new tasks and learning many practical skills, Richroath explained. Youth working in the kitchen, for instance, can parlay their experience into a food handler certificate, burnishing their resume.
Not to mention, she said, that they learn to create healthy, delicious dishes.
“I mean, who doesn’t need to learn to cook?”
Most youth do well at their jobs and some even contribute more than anyone imagined.
“We had one youth who knew how to patch walls,” Richroath said. “He even replaced a sink, with an actual disposal!”
“He was very talented,” she said, recalling that when she helped the youth fill out his Texas Workforce application, they spent more than an hour listing the seemingly endless number of tools he knew how to use.
To prepare to work in either maintenance or the kitchen, the McFadden student workers watch videos about how to handle food, tools and janitorial supplies safely.
Those who’ve worked in the kitchen at McFadden are advised to list “McFadden Café” as part of their experience on future job applications. McFadden supervisors can verify that experience because they keep records on the students’ halfway house jobs.
The campus jobs are monitored as closely as a real-world job might be, with regular evaluations and reports kept on the youth’s work habits and progress at both McFadden Ranch and Ayres House.
Along with those hard job skills, the teens are learning life skills and the sometimes unspoken rules of work, such as listening respectfully to a supervisor, asking for help when stuck and taking direction gracefully, Richroath said.
For the most part, the halfway house youth demonstrate a tremendous work ethic. “It’s really good to see them take such pride in their work,” said Trujillo-Ramirez of Ayres.
Jason White, a cook at McFadden Ranch, sees their eagerness too. The youth learn quickly in the kitchen, because they recognize the utility of cooking (eating!) and enjoy the hands-on tasks, he said.
“Whatever’s on the menu, they’re making it” -- albeit with guidance from White and Food Service Manager James Bledsoe -- and it makes them proud, White said.
There are many protections in place to avert serious issues. The youth don't use knives in the kitchen, for example. But they otherwise perform their jobs completely and that means the novice workers do sometimes mess up, usually in small ways, Trujillo-Ramirez and Richroath said.
“We have to deal with some excuses," when occasionally a youth will try to bow out of work, but still participate in the day's fun activities, Trujillo-Ramirez said. “But we don’t want them to think they’re ‘not really working,’ or that the job’s not serious. You cannot tell an employer that you don’t feel like working that day.”
Just like they would in an outside workplace, the student workers face corrective feedback and verbal warnings or consultations to discuss bumps in their performance, Richroath said.
But the halfway house job supervisors, usually Youth Development Coaches, keep the consequences proportionate and on a sliding scale, giving the teenagers time to make good.
This moderated approach comports with the Texas Model, extending youth some space and time to improve, instead of leaping to punitive measures.
In this respect, a McFadden or Ayres job is a true training ground, and an excellent confidence builder, especially for a youth who has “zero confidence,” Richroath said.
“We modify the job to give them some extra chances and learn from their mistakes,” she said. “We give them more chances than would happen in a real job. They’re still learning.”
By Patty Garza, Volunteer Services Coordinator – Ayres House and South Parole District
As we bid hasta luego to Hispanic Heritage Month 2020, we're happy to report that the young men at Ayres Halfway House know quite a bit more about Hispanic traditions, thanks to Texas state Social Work Intern Fernando Vargas and other Ayres staff.
Vargas presented the youth with a talk that explained that one’s heritage is more than just food and music, but also history, culture, art and shared experiences.
His presentation, though, didn’t forget about the food and the music. The youth munched on pan de dulce (traditional sweet breads and pastries) as Vargas discussed Hispanic cuisine and cultural activities, such as salsa and merengue dancing.
He reviewed a variety of Hispanic music traditions, including the Tejano music of Selena and Emilio Navaira and the Latin rock/blues of Carlos Santana, among others, as he sampled Tejano, conjunto and Spanish jazz.
Vargas also exhorted the young men to be proud of their heritage, learn more about Hispanic culture and the traditions of other people of different backgrounds.
Hispanic Heritage Month (Sept. 15-Oct. 15) grew out of National Hispanic Heritage Week, started by Lyndon B. Johnson in 1968. It celebrates the traditions and cultures of all Americans who trace their roots to Spain, Mexico, and the Spanish-speaking nations of Central America, South America, and the Caribbean.
At Ayres Halfway House, many staff, youth and volunteers came together to celebrate this special month. Case manager Claudia Hawkins organized an activity with the youth in which they made Loteria bingo cards. Loteria is the Spanish word for lottery, which is a game of chance like bingo and a traditional game celebrating the Hispanic culture.
Before the celebration, Vargas decided to learn more about what the boys of Hispanic descent knew about their culture. He completed a cultural assessment survey with Ayres youth to better understand their interests and knowledge.
Human Service Specialist Stephanie Trujillo-Ramirez helped with the presentation and afterward, everyone played a round of Loteria with the cards the youth had made.
Youth of Hispanic descent shared their family traditions and others asked questions. Everyone enjoyed great conversation and sharing.
By Y. Denise Caldwell, Volunteer Services Coordinator, Fort Worth district
McFadden Ranch honored its 2020 graduating class of six young men with a first-ever virtual graduation for the halfway house in Roanoke.
The Sept. 28 ceremony was broadcast simultaneously on Zoom and Microsoft’s Teams, allowing the graduate’s delighted families and volunteers to participate.
The graduates, W.A., A. F., M. F., C.C., N. S., and J. S., proudly wore their caps and gowns as Supt. Marketa Johnson presented each youth with their diploma.
Parents watching at home said they were happy to see their sons graduate and witness the ceremony. (See the Zoom view in the picture, right and below.)
“I thought them doing this for the boys was an excellent, positive experience for them. I thought it was confidence-building and great way for them to take pride in themselves,” said one mother, noting that each boy spoke at the end of the diploma presentation and also chose a song to play as they marched off.
“It was good to see him and celebrate with all of them,” she said.
The Zoom ceremony, created to work within COVID-19 restrictions on in-person events, was especially helpful for parents who live far from McFadden Ranch, said another mother, who resides in West Texas. “It was nice to watch the video,” she said, despite a few technical hiccups in which some parents’ unmuted microphones caused brief interruptions.
Both proud moms e
xpect their sons home within weeks, ready to start their next chapter in life. One plans to launch a lawncare business and the other hopes to train in welding or diesel mechanics and later find a job to finance college.
In addition to being the first to graduate on a livestream, the McFadden Ranch group was the first TJJD class to hear former President Barak Obama as their virtual commencement speaker.
Obama appeared on a large TV screen, which played his pre-recorded speech “Graduate Together: High School Class of 2020 Commencement.” In the talk, released earlier this year for public use, the president congratulates this year’s graduates on their accomplishments and urges them to be prepared for future challenges.
The XQ Institute organized the Obama address earlier this year to provide all 2020 graduates across the US with a special moment at a time when in-person graduations had to be cancelled or curtailed. The institute works with schools in partnership with The LeBron James Family Foundation and the Entertainment Industry Foundation.
Despite the pandemic, Obama said, “what remains true is that your graduation marks your passage into adulthood — the time when you begin to take charge of your own life. It’s when you get to decide what’s important to you: the kind of career you want to pursue. Who you want to build a family with. The values you want to live by.
The former president advised the class of 2020 to “not be afraid,” because the country has been through tough times before, historically, and always emerged stronger. He also urged graduates to “ground yourselves in values that last, like honesty, hard work, responsibility, fairness, generosity, respect for others You won’t get it right every time, you’ll make mistakes like we all do. But if you listen to the truth that’s inside yourself — even when it’s hard, even when it’s inconvenient — people will notice. They’ll gravitate towards you, and you’ll be part of the solution instead of part of the problem.”
Another first: The graduates chose their own marching music, which included Tupac’s “Dear Mama” tribute and other songs.
The McFadden Community Advisory Council provided refreshments and as a special honor, the Denton Kiwanis presented each youth with a $50 check and a letter of congratulations.
TJJD employees also were invited to participate virtually during the ceremony. "Together we all wanted to affirm these students in a job well done on this joyous occasion," said Supt. Johnson, thanking those who attended and those who helped make the event possible.
She added that she hoped it ignited a fire under the other youth to earn their high school diplomas or educational equivalency certificates.
By Barbara Kessler, TJJD Communications
Troy McPeak betrays only a hint of a smile as he sets the two teams of adults scurrying across the floor at cross purposes.
Team One is told to knock down the orange pylons and Team Two is instructed to put them back up. And quickly. The 20 or so staff bend and duck, laugh and swing arms as they swoop up and down, swarming over the red tile floor of the Giddings State School chapel.
McPeak orders them to switch roles. They pause, and begin again, with the opposite goal, bees on a mission.
It seems fun and games have erupted at TJJD. Outside the chapel, the youth are shrieking in delight during a game of splash kick ball. Inside, the adults are grinning and loose as rag dolls. This day is clearly more enjoyable than filling out paperwork and miles ahead of a visit to the dentist.
But it’s not exactly all play time either.
McPeak is training the staff in this and other exercises they can use that comprise the Texas Model constellation of activities. These entertaining, sometimes hilarious, but strategic games draw on the latest brain development science and trauma-informed care concepts to help youth gain control of their lives.
McPeak has just run the adults through the competitive high-activity pylon game so they can experience “dysregulation” -- a heightened state of raised emotions, with a quickened heart beat and respiration -- followed by a calm down period in which they get “regulated” or back to normal.
He wants these staff members to learn the game and importantly, to feel what the youth will experience as they play this and other Texas Model activities that challenge them to build resilience and learn emotional restraint.
“We want to be proactive,” McPeak explains afterward. “We can’t expect staff and youth to truly understand the art of regulation if they have not practiced first.”
Starting in 2019, McPeak, Associate Director of the Texas Model, along with Ian Bracken, Texas Model Activities Leader, among others began rolling out the Texas Model games and activities across TJJD campuses.
Regulation and dysregulation was the theme that came up again and again. By late 2020, virtually everyone working with TJJD youth -- Youth Development Coaches, caseworkers, therapists -- understood why and was employing these activities every day.
“Our main goal of these games is to teach kids to regulate their brain and body. Most of the reasons the majority of our youth are incarcerated is they’re not able to regulate their emotional state, which leads to them doing something that’s unacceptable -- and they get arrested and put in detention,” says Bracken, who hails from Waco and Baylor University where he studied education and earned a master’s in sports pedagogy.
“So if we can teach the youth to interpret the environmental stresses and sensory inputs they’re going to encounter in life, and to respond in ways that aren’t maladaptive, they have a better chance of being successful.”
Why are some young people able to regulate and 
others not so good at it? That is a deep subject that gets to the heart of the Texas Model methodologies. Youth who end up in trouble with the law, who wind up at TJJD, have a much higher exposure to trauma. Studies have found this to be true of similar youth populations nationally and TJJD statistics confirm it for Texas youth caught up in the justice system.
On the whole, TJJD kids have experienced far more neglect, family division, sexual or physical abuse and other traumas than youth in the general population. More than half have experienced family violence and about two-thirds report having had an incarcerated household member.
(You can find more on this topic in our article about ACES or Adverse Childhood Experiences.)
Many justice-involved youth have lived their early life in trepidation, if not fear. The multiple and recurring traumatic and chaotic events they’ve experienced have molded them to be ever vigilant, and their brains, to varying degrees, have become over-reactive. Poverty and other circumstances, such as family losses or addiction, may have piled on, exacerbating fears and feelings of powerlessness.
Learning differences, either caused by or contributing to emotional control issues, complicated matters as well. Nearly 90 percent of TJJD youth are either one, two or three grade levels behind at the time of commitment.
For these youth born of trauma and hard places, their “survival brain” has taken charge. And this has unfurled a cascade of issues, because living in survival mode thwarts development. It likely interfered with their ability to build the trusting relationships that are necessary for learning. In turn, it eroded their ability to focus on school and hobbies, not to mention how it diminished their basic enjoyment of life.
You don’t need a course in Maslow to understand this. In his trainings, Bracken puts the activities he’s teaching into this framework of early brain development:
When a child is an infant or young toddler, they need external regulation. (Picture the dangerous bravado of an 18-month old; they need nearly constant supervision.) This is step one.
The next step or level of development is “co-regulation” in which a child learns alongside a guiding adult how to behave, deal with the ups and downs of life and make good decisions. The adult models, instructs, protects and provides that “safe space” that makes room for learning.
The third step or level of level of development is, of course, internalized self-regulation.
For youth who’ve been traumatized these foundational steps have been short-circuited and ascending to step three has been difficult, even elusive.
The circuit board needs re-wiring and a key way to do that is to engage in play in a controlled environment. “Play disarms fear,” as Bracken and McPeak say, and that clears the path to take us back to the foundational learning.
“Most mammals play in their early development. So play is a way to teach children to develop their imagination, increase their physical and cognitive strength,” Bracken explains.
Play unlocks that frozen “flight, fight or freeze” mode that a child who’s been traumatized may be stuck in.
It is impossible to be angry when you’re laughing, Bracken points out.
And so the Texas Model games have begun in earnest: Ball games, marshmallow tossing, dancing with parachutes and racing crazily around the room playing chase or wheelbarrow. And that’s tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of games in the literal manual, the Texas Model activities book.
But always, these energizing and exciting games are followed by deliberate actions that bring calm. These are simple movements, pushing on a wall, blowing on pretend bowl of soup or another breathing exercise. These proprioceptive (physical) activities bring down the pace, slow the heart rate and tamp the adrenaline. This helps everyone get back to normal by switching out of their “high engine.”
In terms of what’s happening neurologically, the return to normal puts the frontal cortex, the center of reason, back in charge.
“We intentionally dysregulate them, in a controlled environment, and then teach to how to control their body through their physiological processes, how to control their brain essentially and calm back down,” Bracken says.
By giving the youth a chance to “flip their lid” (to a degree)and then recover, the trainings are proactively helping the teens build emotional resilience, says McPeak, who joined TJJD after pioneering a trauma-informed program, Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI), at Williamson County Juvenile Services.
“Science suggests that by practicing these skills in a playful environment, it will take only five to twelve repetitions to literally build new synapses in the brain,” he says.
How else to learn to regulate, but through practice?
Bracken tells about a favorite game that illustrates perfectly how this works. It’s called “Tiger Tails” and looks something like flag football, but with pairs of players composing a head and a tail of the tiger.
It requires teamwork. First, the group of youth, perhaps a dozen or so, get set up as “tigers” in teams of two. The “tail” holds onto the “head” as the pair runs after other tigers, trying to yank off their tails (strips of cloth tucked into a collar or a pocket).
The tiger tail player, meanwhile, tries to protect their backside. The scramble raises emotions and gets the competitive juices flowing; the youth aren’t “flipping their lids” in anger but their physiological responses are similar. They’re revved up and excited.
When a tiger loses their tail, the duo must step out of the game and take to the wall and do 10 seconds or so of “wall pushes” or deep breathing until they, as a team, determine they’ve “regulated” they can rejoin the game.
This rule helps leaven this competition. It’s not a “winner take all” type game, which is important for youth who may have experienced many life disappointments. It is, however, high action and enables multiple opportunities to self-regulate.
The game is not that different from typical PE games, Bracken says, except it includes and focuses on that key recovery or wind-down moment. Games in the wider world do not.
And that’s critical for youth who’ve endured trauma and are learning to gain control of their emotions.
The high energy, large-muscle games, which can be played during the youths’ daily recreation hour or any other time available, are just one piece of a larger mosaic. Texas Model activities also include quieter pursuits, such as art, music, poetry and meditation activities,
outlets for youth who may be more inclined toward the fine arts.
Sometimes the large-muscle games follow “Nurture Group,” another component feature of the Texas Model that involves a talking session in which the youth relax and discuss their moods, accomplishments and concerns. Nurture Group follows carefully prescribed conventions -- such as the “check-in” in which youth verbalize how they’re feeling and the “no hurts” rule -- that help youth relax, communicate better and bond with each other and their staff in protective setting that teaches caring and encourage expression.
It’s all calibrated to help youth build that foundational trust that will enable and deepen all their experiences at TJJD and beyond.
Participation in all types of games is open to all. Stakes are kept low and staff aim for a light touch, engaging with empathy and humor, where appropriate. (Remember? It’s hard to be angry while you’re smiling and laughing.)
Getting excited is OK too. Bracken gets a tad animated himself, explaining how the Tiger Tail game and another one, called Alliance, shake everyone up as part of the long game toward healing.
“We’re trying to dysregulate them on purpose, because that’s the only way they can learn, and that’s the part most people you teach these concepts to are scared of – (they ask) why would you dysregulate a kid on purpose? I thought our goal was to regulate them?”
“Well,” he says, “because what we know about the brain is that it learns from experience.”
Photos: 1) Staff at Giddings State School play a game during a training; Troy McPeak (tan shirt, center) directs the game 2)Youth and staff play a wheelbarrow game during Nurture Group activities at Ayres Halfway House in San Antonio -- afterward they'll wind down with a calming activity 3) Staff and youth at Ayres House toss a soccer ball that serves as a "talking feather" because it's imprinted with questions to get conversations started; Ian Bracken (middle rear) looks on 4) The Texas Model aims to keep youth safe as they learn emotional control; this graphic painted on the wall at Gainesville State School mentions some of the governing principles of Trust Based Relational Intervention, Connecting, Correcting, Empowering, which also are taught as part of the Texas Model.
By Barbara Kessler, TJJD Communications
We are living amid a historic public health crisis. It’s reasonable to be concerned, even anxious, and yet experts caution that we should to try to keep daily life as normal as possible.
Or as we sometimes say at TJJD, "Keep Calm No Matter What!"
That’s good advice this late summer as children head back to altered or even remote school routines, and we all forge ahead with multiple necessary adaptions in a year fraught with worry, change and grieving.
We, you, have been parrying with the coronavirus and social distancing for six months now and our nerves are understandably frayed. How do we cope? We have heard the exhortations to eat healthy, get enough sleep, maintain a positive outlook and set aside time to enjoy ourselves, despite limited options.
Considering that’s all much easier to say than to accomplish, here are some more practical steps for self-care, gleaned from mental health advisories:
- Keep to a schedule. For those working essential jobs outside the home, this is a given. But for people who’ve moved to working from home or children taking Zoom classes, it’s important to maintain control over work hours and to delineate “off” time to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
- Incorporate quiet times and calming activities, such as tai chi, yoga or meditation. Perhaps for you, it’s a walk in the woods, a bike ride or spiritual reflection. Reading a book or soaking in a bubble might be your ticket to relax. Whatever it is, make sure to make room for this type of restorative self-care – and that goes double for people in caretaker roles such as TJJD’s Youth Development Coaches, teachers and caseworkers. You must care for yourself to be able shoulder the care of others.
- Hobbies and projects are another great way to ameliorate worries. But temper your expectations. You don’t need to sew a thousand masks for your neighbors or convert the backyard into a truck garden – unless that truly calms you down. Hobbies are meant to be enjoyed and help you refresh.
“Maintain a sense of hope, work to accept changes as they occur . . . don’t become overwhelmed by creating a life-changing list of things to achieve while you’re home,” according to advise from the Mayo Clinic. If that speaks to you, read more at the guide on COVID-19 and Your Mental Health.
- Maintain connections. You may have to be more deliberative now, but it will help you emotionally to stay in touch with friends and relatives by phone or email or FaceTime. Ask your co-workers how they’re doing or take time to help someone in need.
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Know when to ask for help for yourself. The Mayo Clinic guide reminds us that it’s normal to feel sad, angry, hopeless or afraid during times like these. You may experience changes in appetite, insomnia, body aches, difficulty concentrating or struggle to face chores (even more than usual). These physical manifestations of anxiety can be protective, prompting us to act cautiously in the face of danger. For example, the nervousness that kicks up over a visit the grocery reminds us to wear a mask and wash our hands.
But when anxiety and fears become pervasive and uncontrollable, we need to pause and get help. “When these signs and symptoms last for several days in a row, make you miserable and cause problems in your daily life so that you find it hard to carry out normal responsibilities, it’s time to ask for help,” say the Mayo experts. Whether you call a friend or a helpline (see our list of helplines), asking for guidance is a step toward staying strong.
- Seek help from a professional or online. While it’s always worth considering professional help, self-help resources online can be useful too. TJJD’s Community Mental Health Program Administrator Susan Palacios points to one highly readable handbook by the World Health Organization (WHO), “Doing What Matters in Times of Stress: An Illustrated Guide.”
This comprehensive guide is all about “getting unhooked” from negative feelings and walks through several strategies for dissipating the stressful thoughts and feelings that drain the enjoyment from life and block positive engagement with others.
“I think this is a valuable guidebook because it offers an in-depth look at the ways people can experience stress in an easy to understand way,” Palacios said. “It also provides step-by-step instructions, including links to verbal instructions for auditory learners, to exercises designed to reduce stress and help individuals refocus or reground themselves when they are feeling their stress levels increase.”
“It is always a good idea to become more aware of how brains and our bodies respond to stressful situations, and to learn tools that can mitigate that stress,” said Palacios, a licensed clinical counselor. “Ideally, we can learn these skills when we are in a relatively calm and safe place, and then we can use what we have learned to get through the harder things that life can throw in our direction at times.”
Helping Children and Teens
We know that children absorb hurts and changes differently than adults. Parents and professionals working with children and young adults will want to think about how developing minds are processing the twists and turns of 2020.
Here are some resources for helping kids as they face the twin challenges of the pandemic and the 2020-2021 school year.
- Mental Health America has created a Back to School Toolkit for 2020, a year we can all agree cries out for special guidance. The toolkit for caregivers and teachers notes that many children will be returning to school lonely, nervous and in need of extra attention.
MHA’s Helping at Home: Tips for Parents urges parents and caregivers to create calm settings, “check your tone” and listen carefully to help children break down and articulate feelings that are troubling them. “Frame your approach from a place of care and concern, not anger” to avoid blaming, which shuts down communication.
- Guide to Helping Children Cope with Traumatic Events – Psychiatrists and psychologists compiled this age-specific guide to help children cope with traumatic events, and alleviate their fears and guilt.
It explains that young children often feel they are to blame for events or household difficulties. Adults should let them know they’re not responsible; that sometimes bad things happen that are out of our control. While we can exercise personal responsibility in how we respond to it, the pandemic certainly falls into that category.
Parents and caregivers should:
- Reassure children they are safe, despite the crisis
- Keep calm (again!) -- they’re watching you for cues on how to react
- Keep to routines because these buffer the chaos
- Look for natural openings to invite conversation
- Limit exposure to news media so it doesn’t overwhelm
- Watch for signs of trauma, often kids seem OK at first
- Let them play.
Supporting teenagers at this time calls for a tactical approach that’s well covered in this guide, Supporting Teenagers and Young Adults During the Coronavirus Crisis.
It addresses our new norms of social distancing and remote learning, which come with the added need for adults to talk with teens about their needs and also their role in society and how the contagion is spread, say psychologists.
While young children may feel scared and worried, teenagers may tack the opposite direction, feeling invincible and, because they are not in the highest risk category for coronavirus, have a hard time accepting the requirements to keep socially distant and not see friends.
Adults need to help them adjust and understand their responsibilities to others, said Dr. David Anderson, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Our answer is that exposure to this virus is an exponential thing, and that it’s not really about (just) them,” Anderson said. “It’s not really about the fact that they feel fine. It’s the fact that they could be asymptomatic carriers and they could kill others, including th
eir grandparents.”
That a stern message that can be tempered with an empathetic delivery and the active listening that’s always helpful with teens, who can be famously reticent about their feelings.
Listening cannot be emphasized too much, say experts, because teens, like everyone, are at greater risk of depression and drug and alcohol abuse at times of stress. Adults must be aware.
Finally, remember, whether you are feeling stuck, or you’re helping a young person who’s struggling, you are not alone.
One in 25 people experience serious mental illness each year and one in five struggle with mental health issues such as ADHD, PTSD, depression, unremittent anxiety and other diagnoses, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
That’s why NAMI adopted “You Are Not Alone” as its theme this year, a motto that turned out to be exquisitely prescient and relevant as the pandemic created circumstances -- social distancing, telework, quarantines – that crushed many avenues for staying connected.
People already dealing with mental health issues may face an exacerbation and urgently need to know that they are not alone.
Here’s NAMI’s COVID-19 Resource and Information Guide to keeping healthy during COVID-19. You can find dozens of helpful articles and links to resources in this guide, which addresses the unique issues confronting people in all walks of life, including those in criminal justice institutions.
NAMI also created a unique webpage where people share their personal stories of surviving depression, chronic anxiety and other mental illnesses. People explain how they found peace, resilience and the emotional tools they needed to move beyond obstacles presented by life’s challenges compounded by mental health issues.
These vignettes weren’t collected just for 2020, but they sure hit the mark. May you find inspiration within them.